Welcome back.

Howdy, folks! Apparently you're one of the masochistic ones, because you're back for another iteration of Faulty bLogic. Listen up, ya'll.

REQUIRED VIEWING

Do you like funny things? Good.

Do you like epic things? Me too!

Do you like intelligent things? No? Well one look won't kill you.

Do you like things that make Brian sad? Let's hope not.

Uh oh, what time is it kids? THAT'S RIGHT! It's time for...

BRIAN BEGRUDGINGLY ADMITS TO EMBARRASSING SITUATIONS REGARDING HIS CAUCASIAN ETHNICITY FOR THE SAKE OF COMEDY

Ah yes... the BBAtESRhCEFtSoC. The segment where I reveal something about myself that perpetuates the stereotypes of "whitey" on a public forum. Why am I doing this?

On a recent visit to New York City, I recieved a turn-table from my Godfather, Uncle Victor. But not just any turntable. A turntable, which harnessing the power of the almighty USB cable, can allow you to DIGITIZE one's album collection. Pretty neat huh?

Well such a gift, original intended for good quickly became evil when I discovered a completely different use for the device. One word: TURNTABLISM.

Yep. Using a popular music recording program, I was able to make SOME HIP-HOPPIN' JAMZ, YO.

....

...

...

:'(

CUESTION CORNER!

THIS WEEK I GOT A REAL EMAIL. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. I REPEAT. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

This week's email reads:

Faulty bLogic,
What was your favorite thing you did when you were in New York? And what was the last movie you saw (in theatres or on DVD), and would you suggest seeing it?

-Lea

Well Lea,

What a wonderful cuestion! :D Let's break it down, shall we?

First of all, yeah! Me and my Mom went to New York for a week. I got to see my Grandma and my Godfather of on this particular trip, and we even got to play tourist for a little while. (We couldn't help ourselves, and why not)

But by play tourist, I mean the first thing we did was see TOY STORY 3!!!! WHY?! BECAUSE IT CAME OUT AND IT A FREAKIN DISNEY PIXAR FILM, DUH. That's right, I went to New York just to watch a movie I could be watching anywhere on Times Square.

That is the last movie I've seen in theaters, and let me tell ya, it's a masterpiece. Go see it right now if you haven't already. You could absolutely see it without seeing the first two, but I whole heartedly do not recommend it. Bring the tissues. Take the family. Take anyone. Go see it alone. Whatever. It doesn't matter. Go now. Stop reading this poorly written, stream-of-consciousness blog.

ANYWAY.

Probably the coolest thing my Mom and I did was go to the observation deck of the Empire State Building. Despite all of the trips I've taken to New York in my lifetime, I've only seen this building from street level. I probably don't have to tell you that the view was stunning, but if you must know, it really made me grow in greater appreciation for the Tower of Terror at Disney Land. The decor and the outfits that the cast members wear are obviously spoofs of the architecture and uniforms of the Empire State Building. I chuckled thinking about how I was essentially waiting in a long line to get on an elevator, which both things have in common.

THANKS FOR THE CUESTION, LEA!

Class dismissed, my friends.

Send your cuestions to Bridrummer5@gmail.com

I promise that you probably won't regret it.

The Comeback Blog

Brian sat at his computer, lazily listening to the new MGMT album while reading along with its lyrics on their website. With the reverb laden harmonies filling the air from the speakers to his ears, he almost didn't hear the sound of a young man's sobbing behind him. When he did, he immediately muted the volume and turned around with a jolt and before him was his younger brother, Sean.

Brian looked into his brother's red and watery eyes and could tell he was in agonizing distress. In his pocket there was a crumpled hanky that looked like it had been haphazardly stuffed into it with more than a corner sticking out of his pants. Before Brian could ask what was the matter, Sean had already begun to reach for Brian's shoulders. "Dearest brother Brian, it has been three months since you've written something for that blog of yours," Sean said between little sobs that he tried so hard to suppress, "and I just need for you to update it NOW or I'm going to do something you're not gonna like!" With that, Sean reached into his pocket and proceeded to blow his nose with the hanky and stuffed it right back into his pocket.

Brian was taken aback for a moment. "People read that thing?" he wondered, "I can't believe its absence is upsetting anyone so much. What could he possibly do that I'm not going to like?" Brian understandably flustered, tried his hardest to think about what his brother could do that he couldn't like.

"Well? What's your excuse? I check Faulty bLogic nine times a day, everyday, hoping with all my might that you'll at least make some kind of update! BUT NO! Brian's too busy. He doesn't care about ANYTHING." And with that, Sean punched the wall, making a bang that shook the house and a gaping hole in the white plaster. "WELL?" he screamed.

Brian thought about a good excuse, but none came. Why the hell didn't he make an update? It's not like he didn't have a lot of things to talk about, heavens no. There was a lot of good music that had just came out, a lot of good books he's read, and movies that he wants all of friends to see. Heck, he even just got back from a week in New York for cryin' out loud! "I just..." he said half whispering, but stopped there knowing that anything he would say after that would just be a lie. "I'm so sorry Sean. I had no idea it meant that much to you..."

The awkward silence that followed was interrupted by a loud and thunderous BANG! The place where Sean had previously punched a hole exploded with a great deal of energy, sending rubble and debris all over Brian's room. Emerging from the dust and dramatically lit, stood Belus, the Mesopotamian god of war.

His low menacing growl made the ground shake in fear. "BRIAN. YOU ARE SUCH A TOOL. UPDATE THAT BLOG OR I'LL MAKE YOU MY BITCH." And with that, he turned on the spot and vanished into thin air with a pop.

Stunned and mortified, Brian and Sean continued staring at the spot where the ancient deity once stood, and slowly their eyes found each other again.

"That was... holy crap..." said Brian in a poor excuse at the English language, a language that seemed useless in its ability to express the absolute incomprehendabilty the two of them had just witnessed. "Is incomprehendability a word?" Sean queried.

Before Brian could answer "No," and think of a better word for the narrator to type, their mother ran in, panicked at the explosive sound she had heard not a moment before. Utterly bewildered by the giant truck-sized hole in the wall, she stopped in the doorway and pierced a hole in Brian's eyes with hers. Putting her hands on her hips, she said "And just what are you going to do now, Brian. You're always pissing off the ancient Mesopotamians."

Brian knew in his heart what he must do. He had a mission, a destiny. Nothing could stand in his way now. No more excuses. This was bigger than he was.

Brian looked out the window, a storm was coming. Thunder and lightning filled the air. Brian spoke with as much determination that he could muster, "Class is in session."

• Alright kids! Don't make Belus angry! Send your CUESTIONS to Bridrummer5@gmail.com or face complete annihilation at the hands of an all-powerful killing machine. Have a good day! :D :D :D :D :D